For those that don’t know me, I worry and fret over all sorts of things perceived, and real. Ben, from the beginning of our wedding planning has wanted to be married in the church he grew up in. I’m all for that. There is something sweet about a small church wedding. The church he grew up in is a Lutheran church, and it’s beautiful. I immediately began to worry though, thanks to Hollywood. Prior to our first meeting with the pastor, I worried that we wouldn’t be able to even use the church because this would be my second marriage. Or because I have tattoos. Or because he would know I voted for Clinton. Or any other number of issues.
Of course, none of those have been an issue. We met with the pastor for the first time about a month ago. He’s a lovely man who seems to be up on the times, but still deeply ingrained with the conservative views of the church. Our first meeting was a few hours long and it was alright. I cried after though. It wasn’t that he made me cry. Or that I felt like I was being abused in any fashion. It was over the music we would be allowed to play at our wedding. He informed us then that nothing secular would be allowed. He recommended the hymnals they are currently using, and for a good two hours I was so upset it moved me to tears.
So, after that I did some digging. I went to every reference on the internet related to the Missouri Synod and weddings. Right down to the attire approved for the wedding ceremony. You see, Lutheran’s do not believe the wedding ceremony is an individual celebration that just happens to be in a church. Quite the opposite. They believe it’s a church service that happens to be two people coming together before God and family to be married. I read and read (and worked myself into a tizzy). I found a few sites that insisted the bride had to be in stark white and only stark white. I nearly threw my laptop in anger and sadness. That was it. I just knew to make Ben happy I was going to have to suffer the lamest and most drab of weddings wearing clothes I hated and listening music that made me want to punch babies.
I decide to not fly off the handle and I send the pastor an email with several questions regarding music, attire, and other rules I found at the Synod. Unfortunately, he was on vacation, then his computer got fried. So I had to wait ten whole days for a response. It took every ounce of strength to not harass him in email. Whining and fretting to Ben about the dress business. Also dropping the hints that I was about to put up a pretty big argument for another location if I could not have the dress I wanted. He keeps soothing me and telling me to wait. That it will all be alright.
Finally, the day comes the pastor is able to reply!
Not only did he very clearly say I could wear whatever colors I wanted so long as the attire was appropriate for the sanctity of the church, but he gave me very clear guidance on the rules regarding music! He gave us some guidance on the other questions I had, and he said I did not have to have the organ for my music. All in all, he gave me the confidence that our wedding would still be our wedding. It also saved me from having to push Ben away from something he truly wanted for our wedding.
After all that, the lesson I learned is that patience is a virtue. By waiting, and just letting the answers come, I saved myself from being embarrassing and from causing friction unnecessarily. Ben was much relieved, I’m sure. It set me off onto a whole new thing to fuss about. 😉